In case anyone thought Prime Video‘s Merry Little Batman would be a basic, 30-min holiday special, it’s not. This thing is a full 90-minute movie, and if you’re thinking to yourself, “Why, God, why?” rest assured you’ll be mentally screaming that same sentence the further into viewing it you get. It seems so absurd in hindsight how 1988 Bat-fans lost it over the fact that Michael Keaton might not take Batman seriously enough, and now we get Luke Wilson not even trying to portray anything but Bruce Wayne as a dorky dad who makes Adam West look like R. Lee Ermey by comparison.
Merry Little Batman is set in a grotesque animated reality, courtesy of Regular Show writer and director Mike Roth, that’s most immediately inspired by the Tim Burton-Joel Schumacher movies. A grunting Bane is Poison Ivy’s partner, Mr. Freeze is a bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonation, Joker wears a fedora, and Penguin is subject to some rather nasty ableist jokes. Batman and son Damian (Yonas Kibreab) make obvious joke references about how, for example, Bat-ice skates would be ridiculous or a citywide survey system would be going too far. These jokes presume that parents who grew up with prior Bat-movies will actually be watching; however, they’d be better off not doing so. The protagonist of this movie is eight; the audience members who’ll best be able to tolerate him are surely the same age.
Baby ‘n’ Bored
Damian’s origin story gets a bit simplified here. In this universe, Batman knew he had a baby on the way and decided to work double-time to get every criminal off the streets of Gotham. In the end, he succeeded, and so much so that he now has all the time in the world to stay home, dressing like a lumberjack and growing a beard (are you laughing yet?).
When Batman gets a call for help on the Bat-phone for the first time in years, he rolls out solo to take care of things, leaving behind a dejected Damian, who longs to be a hero already. As petty crooks invade Wayne Manor, we get a mini-Home Alone with Batkid, as Damian dons a custom-fitted costume from the Batcave. When the thieves steal Damian’s utility belt that he got for Christmas, the story then becomes Jingle All the Way, with a superhero-suited kid accidentally leaving a trail of devastation to get back his prized gift. Naturally, the Joker (David Hornsby, clearly instructed to copy Mark Hamill) becomes involved.
Bat-Vision
It isn’t just that the animated villains are drawn as ugly characters; that much is intentional. It’s that the animation itself is unpleasant to the eye — Alfred, for example, is drawn like a hunchback version of Michael Gough, a grotesque that James Cromwell’s voice must work overtime to overcome. Late in the movie, when it suddenly becomes Damian’s subjective point of view, things turn black and white and into a different art style, and for a moment, the film seems stylish. The rest of the time, it’s just grotesque for no good reason — one of the only decent sight gags is Batman taking off his shirt to show his broken ribs, revealing his chest to be a misshapen mess only possible in cartoons, but it would work even better if every other adult human didn’t already look unpleasantly distorted.
Even the Bat-symbol is the worst-drawn version of it ever, like it was created by a computer trying to do a kid’s drawing. This may be a matter of taste, but let the images included in this review be your guide.
All of which might be okay if the movie were funnier — South Park, for one, proves that terrible drawings can still yield great laughs. But aside from reference humor, including lots of ‘Jingle Bells, Batman Smells” and “Danananananana!” Merry Little Batman doesn’t really go for straightforward laughs either. It’s possible eight-year-olds will relate to the hijinks and simply find it funny any time Damian gets one over on an adult, but if you’re old enough to have found this review online, you’ll get more laughs re-watching Batman and Robin. Even if you hate Batman and Robin.
Bat and Son
The notion of Batman as Bat-dad has opened up new storytelling possibilities, and we have to hope that James Gunn will do something less-than-embarrassing with his upcoming live-action movie. Batman as a generic dad with dad jokes and over-protectiveness, however, is just about the most boring possible interpretation of the concept. Damian Wayne as a character is most compelling as a nearly fully formed assassin that his control-freak father is forced to discipline and train; as typical father and son but with gadgets, they’re a Spy Kids sequel stripped of personality.
Don’t have yourself a Merry Little Batman.
Grade: 0.5/5
