If director Matthew Vaughn and star Henry Cavill feel like they’ve been overlooked as contenders for the official James Bond series, they take the opening sequence of Argylle to prove they have what it takes. Globe-trotting Agent Argylle (Cavill) seduces his way into a private club, does a little dance with a femme fatale (Dua Lipa) before she escapes, and he gives chase on a conveniently nearby but highly unsuitable vehicle for local streets, proceeding to crash it into nearly everything, in order to stay in pursuit. There are bad jokes, suggestive dances, lots of gunfire, and even a comedic, Felix Leiter-ish American sidekick in the form of John Cena.
Bond Is the Word
The trailers have all revealed this, so it’s not a spoiler to say that the Bond sequence is a fantasy, enacting the events of a book still being written by Elly Conway (Bryce Dallas Howard). Vaughn can replicate 007 if he chooses, but he prefers subversion. There’s a little Romancing the Stone element to both the opening and the events that proceed to befall Ms. Conway as she’s thrust into a real-life global spy drama. It seems her books have predicted global events in the undercover community. Now, both the good and bad guys need to know what happens at the end of the next one, so they can plan accordingly when it theoretically comes true like all the rest.
Whisking her into an adventure is Aidan (Sam Rockwell), a real-life spy who’s no Argylle in the looks department but has a way of fighting that seems similar. Enough so that when Elly watches him fight off assassins, she periodically blinks and sees Argylle doing it instead, in some rather awkward edits. Other times, Argylle’s face appears to her with key bits of advice. If Aidan’s train fight doesn’t make the comparison obvious, Mission: Impossible and Tom Cruise, this is not. Nor does it try to be — where Cruise insists on stunts for real, Rockwell quite evidently does them in front of edited-in backgrounds, with a digital assist. And there’s a bit involving opening and closing bathroom doors that owes a debt to SNL’s David Pumpkins “Haunted Elevator” sketch.
Romancing the Stoned
That Rockwell has the Michael Douglas role here does indeed mean he and Howard will eventually get romantic, and, well…let’s just say they’re better comedic foils than love-scene partners. Both do great work making their individual characters believable within the film’s heightened situations, but the movie (and their chemistry or lack thereof) offers no earthly reason why they should be together, nor much incentive to root for the same. Perhaps it’s Alfie the cat’s fault — introduce an adorable feline, and we’re gonna root way more for him to prevail than some impromptu courtship. When Aidan reveals he doesn’t like cats, why would we want him to move into a position where he’ll be Alfie’s cat dad?
There’s a lot more to the movie than that: Vaughn and writer Jason Fuchs (Wonder Woman) are big on sudden plot twists that play out as ridiculously big swerves but ultimately justify themselves. When they happen, you may laugh at the audacity or gasp at the payoff. Unfortunately, you may also yawn in between the big reveals. Vaughn’s pacing feels way off, with plenty of downtime between key moments and awkward editing that calls attention to itself in a not-good way. The film’s run time is 2 hours and 19 minutes, about 30 of which could easily have been chopped. For those waiting for bathroom break spots, let’s just say this: any time somebody starts to dance, stay in your seat till it’s over. This ain’t no ballet, but Vaughn does love his elegant physical comedy bits set to music.
Our Guile
It would be spoiling to reveal too much about the characters some of the actors play, but Bryan Cranston and Catherine O’Hara stand out in unusual roles, while Ariana DeBose plays against type, and Samuel L. Jackson seems to have signed on so he could be paid to watch basketball most of the time. Cena’s character is unfortunately imaginary – again, all the trailers have revealed this already – and unlike Argylle, he does not frequently show up in visions. If this does well, though, expect some fan demand for a legit Cavill-Cena action buddy flick.
To understand how valuable Howard is as a lead here, though, one can compare Argylle favorably to the Kingsman trilogy, full of cynicism and joylessness in the name of mean-spirited humor. Elly is vulnerable, charming, imaginative, insecure, and a relatable human being in a sea of spoof characters. Even when she undergoes personality changes late in the game, that humanity never goes away. Vaughn hasn’t shown that kind of heart in his protagonists since X-Men: First Class, in which the actors were playing pre-existing characters. He tends to be more comfortable with know-it-alls like Rockwell’s Aidan, but at least when he works with actors like Howard or Jennifer Lawrence in X-Men, who bring more to the table, he doesn’t get in their way.
There’s a mid-credits scene that induces more questions than answers, presumptuously setting up a sequel that feels unlikely to happen. Like a lot of Argylle, it’s too much. Several parts of this film are tremendous fun nonetheless, but it’s probably best enjoyed at home, if at all, with bathroom breaks and fast-forward.
Grade: 2.5/5
Argylle opens in theaters Friday, Feb. 2.
